Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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