Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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