took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
