I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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