how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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