My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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