Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
