Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
