my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
