I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
