you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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