i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
