i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
