Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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