he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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