Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
