Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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