I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
