so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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