Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
