you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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