I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
