this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
