just come out here and I will go home with you...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
