Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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