toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
