so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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