all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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