That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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