you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
