And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
it was like eating out sand paper
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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