Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
