Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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