Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I think i got beer on your cat.
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