I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
