the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
