It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
