With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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