she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
