We won't sleep together?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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