She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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