ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
