well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
