Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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