yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
