I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
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