Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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