Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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