Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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