I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
